


"Trouble" or "I'm not as nice as you think"

by WhyYesIamBlonde



Series: Slavery Universe [12]
Category: The Avengers (2012), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: BAMF Phil Coulson, Not SOP, agents not scared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-26
Updated: 2013-07-26
Packaged: 2017-12-21 11:14:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/899629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhyYesIamBlonde/pseuds/WhyYesIamBlonde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil Coulson is the type of man who deserves respect mixed with a bit of fear. When he doesn't get it, Clint works to fix the problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Trouble" or "I'm not as nice as you think"

There was trouble.

It started simply. A paparazzi managed to get a picture of the great Hawkeye cuddling with his handler on a private beach. The media backlash of a gay Avenger was handled beautifully by both SHIELD’s and Stark International's publicity departments. There was the usual pickets out front from the expected hate groups but there were also more than one group of supporters. Steve was personally tickled to discover a group of christians larger than the West Boro Baptist Church out front holding signs of love and support.

No, the trouble was not Clint and Phil’s forced coming out. 

A few weeks later Hawkeye was badly hurt trying to stop a few giant squids from taking Manhattan and when he got within reach of Agent Coulson, he was dragged into a massive bear hug. The stoic agent quickly regained control and managed to debrief the team without even blushing.

No, the trouble was not the teasing that Agent Coulson received from showing how much he loved Hawkeye.

About a month after that, Clint and Phil went out for a walk and saw a very thin ragged cat in one of the many alleyways. They took pity on it and brought it home. The paparazzi was hidden so they didn’t know that there would be pictures of them making baby faces at the furry little thing. The cat fattened up over time and her coat grew out nice and thick. Tony demands it never leave their suite but they are okay with that. JARVIS autofeeds and waters it and there is a self cleaning litter box of Tony’s design that dump automatically into the trash. 

No, adopting a cat was definitely not the problem. (They named her Artemis).

Agent Coulson walked into the debriefing room at SHIELD. There were a bunch of mid-level agents there who had just completed an op and he needed to get their information while it was still fresh in their minds. Usually, when he enters a room the conversation stops or at least quiets. He is used to seeing fear if not discomfort at being in their presence. Today, all he saw was smiles.

This was a problem.

Coulson started keeping an eye on people’s expressions. He no longer had a difficult time getting people to spar with him in the gym even though he still flattened everyone. No one got out of his way at work. When he had to teach a few rookies about self defense, they didn’t seem to take him seriously.

This was definitely a problem.

XXX

Clint and Phil were holding each other. They had just had a very intense session and they were both coming down from the natural high. Clint ran his hand through his lover’s hair and asked, “So, why the sudden need?”

Phil huffed a bit, “No one is afraid of me at work anymore.”

Clint laughed. “You sure? I mean I remember rookies peeing their pants when they heard that they had to spend a week with you on survival training. When they came back, they promised the others that their fears had been proven right. I highly doubt that your last name doesn’t still instill fear in the hearts of many.”

Phil propped himself up on his elbows and said, “I haven’t been able to teach survival since the incident.” He knew better than to mention Loki's name in front of Clint. “It’s almost like they are starting to think of me as a mascot. Someone who strengthens them but doesn’t scare anyone.”

“If this is true, I may have a way to change that,” Clint said as he smiled mischievously.

XXX

Agent Coulson went up to Agent Clendenning, the biggest gossip of this years new recruits and demanded that he help him in his office. He had a lot of filing to do and his secretary was on leave. (Darcy was given two tickets for Disney World, all expenses paid suddenly yesterday afternoon. She wasted no time in asking Steve to go with her.)

“Agent Clendenning,” Phil said as he looked up. “I need you to go and retrieve Agent Barton for me. He is usually at the range at this hour.”

“What, he forgot to file his paperwork again?” the agent joked.

Phil didn’t smile back. He simply looked at the man for a few moments before saying, “I wasn’t aware that SHIELD agents needed to be told twice.”

At that, the agent quickly put down his filing and hurried out of the room. Agent Barton was exactly where Coulson said he would be. Clendenning waited until he was between sets and walked up to him. As Barton was pulling his arrows out of the target he informed him that Agent Coulson wanted to see him in his office.

Barton looked at the junior agent as a quick wave of fear passed over his face. He quickly schooled his emotions and quickly finished packing away his bow and arrow. After he handed them over to the armsmaster he started running towards the stairs towards Coulson’s office. Clendenning had a hard time keeping up.

“What’s the big hurry?” the junior agent asked.

“You ever make Coulson wait?” Barton replied.

“Nooo...”

Barton shook his head and mumbled as he reached the next floor. “Let’s just say that he knows that his time is more important than yours.” 

When they got to the office door, Barton wasn’t even winded. Clendenning took a second to calm his breathing before following into the office. The junior agent went right back to his filing, keeping an eye and an ear towards the two other men.

Barton stood in front of Coulson’s desk. “You demanded my presence, Sir?”

Coulson ignored him for a minute and finished some of the paperwork he had been working on. 

“Agent Barton, did you or did you not fail to to requisition the needed supplies for the mission that is occurring tomorrow?”

Barton actually gulped a bit as he swallowed. “Sir, I.. Um..”

“And how do you expect your fellow agents to survive when the ammunition for their protection not available?” Coulson sat at his desk, his hands clasped together staring at the man. Barton looked around like he needed an escape. “And now you are going to have to use a rifle instead of your bow unless you only needed one arrow to take out five targets.”

Barton actually groaned at the last statement. Everyone knew he hated leaving his bow behind. Coulson pointed one hand to the corner and said, “fifty.”

Barton sighed like he had been hurt. He walked over to the corner with his head hung low. There was a bar going from wall to wall about six inches from the ceiling. The man jumped up and grabbed it. He started doing pullups.

“Each,” Phil calmly said before going back to his paperwork.

Barton actually managed to keep his rhythm as he let go of the bar with his left hand and placed it behind his back. Clendenning could hear him grunting through the punishment as he pulled himself up with just one arm. “One, sir!...Two, sir!...”

Clendenning finished the filing in record time. Before Barton had gotten to forty he was given permission to leave the office. Coulson watched him go with a smile. Barton looked down at his handler and winked. He still counted and did the pullups but he no longer looked like he was struggling through them. If anything, he seemed to be having fun.

Barton was on the other hand and had just called out “23, sir!” when another junior agent walked in. She paused and stared at the man who was suddenly struggling again through his punishment in the corner for a second before Coulson’s quick, “Can I help you?” brought her back to her task. She gave the pile of paperwork to the agent and quickly hurried out of the room.

Barton laughed as he finished up his pullups. “I don’t know if that will work but it should be a good start. You see the looks on their faces?”

Coulson just smiled back.

XXX

A few days later Coulson went down to the gym to work off some of his stress. He had dressed down into his shorts and t-shirt when Steve joined him in the locker room. “Just got back into town and heard you had some trouble with Clint.” The soldier said with a smile. “Need any help?”

Coulson returned the smile and said, “It would be appreciated. Why don’t you spar with me first.”

The two went to the sparring mats. The other agents ignored them as they went through their exercises. When they got to an empty area, Steve wasted no time and attacked. He dove for Coulson’s stomach, throwing them both hard on the mat but Coulson just rolled and threw Steve a few feet over his head. He continue the roll and landed back on his feet. Steve shook his head for a second before getting up and turning back towards the agent. 

This time it was Coulson who moved first. He swept Steve’s feet from under him and flipped him over quickly, pinning him to the mat. Steve used his strength to push himself back up. When Coulson felt Steve getting back to his knees he just continued the roll and Steve was flying through the air again. 

Everyone knew that Captain America would win in a fight. He was stronger, faster and saw things quicker than anyone else around. They also knew that Coulson had more hand-to-hand fighting experience. The older agent used Steve’s strength against him time and time again. Captain Rogers did get the agent to kiss the mat a few times but the number of times he went flying through the air far exceeded those.

After a good twenty minutes of trying to outdo each other, the men called a time out. Steve was actually sweating. He smiled and accepted Phil’s offer for a hand up. 

Phil looked at the other man as they walked to the locker room, “You went easy on me?”

Steve laughed. “I wish. Even I’m not that good.”

The other agents who had been watching a good chunk of the sparring after Steve flew the first time quickly got out of their way.

XXX

Agent Coulson was storming through the hallways. When another agent got in his way he pushed them aside. When he got to the bridge he found the last man who should be left alone near the computers.

“Mr. Stark, come with me,” he said in as calm a manner as possible.

“Sure thing, Agent. Just give me some time to finish talking to Galaga Guy for a minute.” Tony then continued to try to talk the guy into working at Stark Industries when his contract was out.

"Now!" he growled. Tony looked cowed and started to leave. He was taking too long. Coulson went over and grabbed Tony by the ear. He started pulling on it to force the genius off of the bridge. 

“What the fuck, Agent!” Stark said as he failed to get out of the man's grip. “Let me go. You have no right!”

Coulson kept pulling and quickened his pace. “I have every right to protect the security of this ship. If you refuse to follow orders than I have every right to do what ever is necessary to remove you from the premises as quickly as possible. The bridge has been off limits to you ever since the whipped cream incident last month and you know it.”

Tony continued to try to get out of the man's grip. He also started listing the lawsuits he could file but Coulson just ignored him until they reached the elevator. When the doors opened his shoved the billionaire into the room. When the doors closed Phil did something with his phone before speaking.

“The recording system is now malfunctioning for a few minutes.”

Tony looked at the man smugly. “So now do I have to fill out any paperwork?”

“As per your agreement with Clint, He will fill out all of your paperwork for the next two months as long as you don’t actually file any of those claims you mentioned and completely behave in my presence during those two months.” Coulson calmly said while looking straight ahead a the elevator doors.

“Good. But you didn’t have to pull so hard. I think you may have dislocated my ear. Is that a thing? Could you have done that?” Tony was rubbing the red bit of flesh trying to lesson the sting.

Coulson just smirked, “Oh, it was necessary. Very necessary.”

XXX

The rookies were terrible. Not in the usual training issues but a serious disregard for authority. The senior agents blamed society as the “ME” generation joined their organization. Whatever the reason, the kids didn’t seem to understand that even if they were the best in their previous job they were part of SHIELD now and needed to reprove themselves. Agent Barton went up to DA Hill with an idea.

There were sixteen rookie agents specifically in need of learning their place. They gathered in the field next to the woods that SHIELD uses for training. Coulson and Clint stood in front of them. Barton was wearing his usual Hawkeye outfit but Coulson had changed from his suit to his tactical gear. Clint had already memorized how he looked for future reference but was enjoying the refreshing of the image in his brain.

“Agents,” Coulson spoke loud and clear. “We are going to test your ability to survive. You may find yourself in a game of hide and seek. To see how you will do we are going to play stay alive. It will be the sixteen of you versus the two of us.”

The crowd murmured amongst themselves. This was going to be an easy win.

The handler gave them a small smile as he held his paintball marker. “Go easy on me, remember I had major heart surgery a few years ago.”

A chuckle went around the agents. Clint held up his marker and said, “You will enter the woods. We will wait one full minute to follow. When I blow the whistle the game starts. Now Run!”

A couple of agents wasted no time and ran into the woods with their markers. Coulson made a note of their names. SHIELD needed to know who could follow directions. The others took a bit longer but by the time the whistle blew there was no one left in the field. The two men quickly dropped into a group of bushes and disappeared. A splattering of paint balls landed in the area that the senior agents had just vacated a second earlier. 

There was no trace of the two senior agents. A few of the rookies who had stayed in the area to fire first swore as they searched the shrubs and amongst the trees for their targets. The blue paintballs hit them in the center of their chest. Three down, thirteen to go.

“Hey, Mark,” one of the rookies hissed at his teammate. “You see anything?”

“No, now quit your...” Mark cursed as he felt a hard hit in the middle of his back. His friend was quick to follow. Eleven left.

A small group of probationary agents were moving through the woods with their backs together in a tight circle. They held their markers up in shooting position. The shortest one with the brown ponytail fired quickly but missed. The others were quick to whip around and fire into the area she had marked. The rookies all groaned as their chests were covered in blue. “Dammit, that hurts,” one of them cursed. Seven left.

PA Rodriguez was watching the little group get hit from his perch on a tree. He had Coulson in his sights but shooting meant letting go of the limb he was grabbing. It was not worth falling to get his target so he tried to continue into a safer area to shot from.

“Tsk, tsk, if you don’t know how to climb you should stay on the ground,” Rodriguez spun his head around and saw Hawkeye immediately behind him hanging upside down from a higher limb. Barton had a paintball in his hand that he smashed across the others neck. “You just got knifed. Now fall down and join your zombie friends in the field.”

The remaining five were getting paranoid. Three of them were jumping and shooting at every little sound in the woods. It didn’t take long for the nervous rookies to feel the impact on their chests. Down to two.

The two that were left were the ones that ran into the woods in the beginning. They had each found a hiding spot and the two senior handlers were actually having a difficult time finding them. Coulson looked up at Barton in his perch. They used hand signals to communicate as they searched the area. Oh, these two were definitely getting a passing grade. 

Hawkeye looked down from his nest for movement. There was no one. He scanned a group of bushes again. Was that a hint of peach amongst them? He pulled his marker up to his eye and shot at the small bit that was visible from in between the leaves. A young man jumped up cursing as he shook his blue hand. This allowed Barton to finish his target off. Then there was one.

Probationary Agent Chou looked out from his hiding place. His heart was beating in his ears as he saw a pair of feet pass just a few feet in front of him. Seeing his chance he bounced up from the bushes and shot. He managed to hit Coulson in his left arm. The senior agent’s eyes grew wide. His brain only had time to register ‘enemy’ before he fired with his right hand. The last man was down.

XXX

The rumors have always been part of the backbone that was SHIELD’s inner intel. Listen to enough of them and you could usually figure out the truth of a given situation. He had a couple of the level 3 agents keep him appraised of the gossip, especially what was being said about him. Coulson was confused at a few that were circulating.The email he received was a bit stranger than usual.

Barton had always made a game out of telling people ridiculous things about his handler and seeing which were believable enough to make it into the rumor mill. The fact that he actually did stop a robbery with a bag of flour shouldn’t even come into play (and how that got onto YouTube he had no idea. Luckily the security tapes were a bit too grainy to make his face out properly). It was the list of things he could do that made him chuckle and cringe at the same time.

 _Coulson once killed a man using nothing but his pocket watch._ (true)  
 _Coulson once got a major crime boss to pee his pants by just talking to him from across the table._ (False, the guy wet himself after Clint startled him. He jumped on the boss from the ceiling in the middle of an interrogation.)  
 _Coulson only needs one hour of sleep a night because the gods granted him a boon after Loki hurt him._ (False. Where on earth did he get that one?)  
 _Coulson only wears suits because they hide his huge cock the best._ (Umm, he was going to have a long talk with his lover).  
 _Coulson can hack into any computer on the planet._ (mostly false)  
 _Coulson can take down three assailants with his hands tied behind his back._ (True. That was a horrible op)  
 _Coulson doesn’t need to eat like the rest of us. Coffee and donuts have all the nutrition that he needs._ (He wished)  
 _If you ever have to go to Coulson’s office to be reprimanded, bringing him a cup of coffee from the coffee house down the block with two creams and three splenda will allow you to live another day._ (Okay, Coulson now understood why he hadn’t had to buy coffee in over a week)  
 _Not bringing him coffee is like asking a god for something without the sacrifice._ (False. Coulson is going to have to put a stop to this one)  
 _Coulson once convinced a conman to hand over all of his money, including his watch._ (Okay, this one was also true)  
 _Coulson can kill a guy using just a paperclip._ (Coulson was hoping to never have to try)  
 _Coulson’s shoes are always shiny because he makes the biggest screwups lick them until they are perfectly clean._ (False, but if Clint keeps some of these up he may make an exception)  
 _Coulson’s ties give him magical powers._ (False)  
 _Coulson keeps a slave around because he needs to be pleasured twice a day to contain his anger and not kill the incompetent people around him._ (What! False)

Coulson rubbed the space between his eyes as he closed his email only halfway read. He needed to have a long talk with Barton. Now to find him. First place to look is always the range.

XXX

Agent Coulson walked into the debriefing room at SHIELD. There were a bunch of mid-level agents there who had just completed an op and he needed to get their information while it was still fresh in their minds. For the last few months, the debriefs had been difficult. The agents didn’t want to stop talking amongst themselves and the joking had been rampant. Not this time. Coulson walked into the room and it instantly became silent. The men and women answered the questions completely without any side tangents occurring. When they were dismissed, Coulson saw the look of relief wave through them. The corner of his mouth quirked up slightly.

Coulson made it a point to mentally catalog people’s expressions. When he walked down a hallway, the younger agents parted quickly to make room for him. When he went to the gym there were only a small group of agents who would spar with him without a direct order. When he taught the selfdefense course, everyone was on the edge of their seat taking everything he said to heart.

This was what it was like before he bought Clint. This was what his standing as a level 7 agent deserved. The trouble was over. Now Agent Coulson could get back to real work.


End file.
